I am able to write again... so something must be good.

I took it bravely and didn't cry.
I felt it coming in and I didn't even blink.
Yes... keep telling yourself until you believe it. I am not that strong nor do I wish such strength. I love my unspoken vulnerability and the unnoticeable modesty that comes with it, one I can't even begin to tell, or feel.

It's hidden, even from me, the worst judge of all of my friends, and those who say they love me...
I am so sad and lonely I could laugh at this moment just to pretend to my reflexion that I am, my perspective of myself, and not the woman we all know. The unhappy never content woman who screams for a drop of music from the little box I was supposed to have....the one I had a long time ago...when I could still call myself innocent.

Making new friends, so much like me.
Talking to strangers, dazzling them... so much like that sparkle in my personality I can only show when nobody's looking straight at me.
Making right all the wrongs in his mouth, listening once again to another story when my hungry sense of curiosity asks for it.... claims for a new subject for these lines that live only from others... and other's effects on me, yet not one single them says anything about what they did for me, or could've done.....

I don't dare to dream nor fantasize about such kindness..
Though this last man, this very last breather did mention his appreciation towards my feelings...
He hasn't vanished yet, not yet.... not quite yet....
Not before he knows a little more and maybe considers asking a few more questions....

I know he can be curious...
But then what?....
I am curious too.... but then what? I ask again....
What comes from that state of mind?, what comes from our words and our flattering arrows?
I have found no achievement in giving....
Cause I am left with nothing usually...
But somehow I always give nevertheless, I do, and I guess I will continue to until there's nothing left of me....
I will keep searching, waiting or learning....until I run out of words, expressions, smiles or hands to hold...

My tricky head is no miracle...
nor this mind or the thoughts in it are wonders drawn on the walls of my skull...
I wish I wouldn't think so much about the odds and the people in them...
I wish I had just one minute of rest...

One long dream on his light arms.... Morpheus.. my long lost friend....
where are you when I need you... cruel state, loving sweet horrible numb state!.....longed..state of mind...

I miss you...

and the hours of calm, without blinks within the darkness of my room...
without the breathing of my peaceful mother, who shows off her sleeping skills....whereas I, lay awake and miserable beholding the image of what I desire but I cannot have....

I can't sleep...

I just can't... and It's showing on my face, I'm aging of boredom and restless mind.
I am not achieving my goal....

I can't touch my soul... I cannot put it at ease...
I can't sing to it, nor can I speak to my mind and silence its voice...
I can't hold my heart and warm it from this breezes I feel...like dagers...

Who can stop me from being who I am?...
I'm such a danger to myself..

Me and this nutshell....

Me and the men who praise me... but know me very little...

Me and the unfinished businesses.....

Me and my lack of sleep...

But hey... I'm writing again.... so something must be good.
Though I am restless...and it's late to be awake...
Though I'm none worth the time spent...

I am able to write again... so something must be good.